I have a neice who is totally invollved in running. She is in Highschool and spends hours a day,just like you ssaid, doing nothing except with her team. Hours running and doing whatever made her team ahead. I did not understand what was happening, but heard when she didn'T take the time, to eat a meal. She only ate a mall amount because eating too much would make her too smell. As a 9th grader she weighed 63lbs., her body was shutting down...she ended in a special place because she had to learn to eat again and get her body to learn it's parts again. She had to stop running, but was only able to visit, talk to,spend time with her running team. She now is pushing herself to learn how to smile and talk to the other students. It is very slow, but I had her mother read your Beyond the Ice, so far, and she has a better understanding if how to have helpful conversations with her daughter, who is slowing learning how to enjoy her classmates, and other school kids. She is relaxing with other kids, and people.
Thank you!! I am so happy my sister was able to get the help she needed!
I love hearing this — thank you! Even though my son’s journey is hockey, I know parents in volleyball, soccer, gymnastics, and more are walking through the same transitions. It means a lot to know this helped you see your daughter’s experience in a new way.
Shortly after Donald Trump was sworn-in as president in 2017, a survey of American women conducted not long after his abundant misogyny was exposed to the world revealed that a majority of respondents nonetheless found appealing his alpha-male-like great financial success and confidence. To me, it was revelatory of the often-unfortunate aspects of the human Id, notably that involving sexuality.
Perhaps alpha males' sexual aggression or ‘toxic masculinity’ in general is related to the same constraining societal idealization of the ‘real man’ (albeit perhaps more subtly than in the past): Stiff-upper-lip physically and emotionally strong, financially successful, confidently fights and wins, assertively solves problems, and exemplifies sexual prowess.
Maybe also relevant is the June 24, 2020, Toronto Now article I read headlined “Keep Cats Out of Your Dating Profile, Ridiculous Study Suggests” that was self-explanatorily sub-headlined “Men were deemed less masculine and less attractive when they held up cats in their dating pics, according to researchers”. ... As a cat-fan, it kind'a made me think.
... Meantime, according to psychologist, psychotherapist and author Tom Falkenstein (The Highly Sensitive Man, 2019, Ch.1), “numerous psychological studies over the last forty years tell us that, despite huge social change, the stereotypical image of the ‘strong man’ is still firmly with us at all ages, in all ethnic groups, and among all socio-economic backgrounds. …
“You only have to open a magazine or newspaper, turn on your TV, or open your browser to discover an ever-growing interest in stories about being a father, being a man, or how to balance a career with a family. Many of these articles have started talking about an apparent ‘crisis of masculinity’.
"The headlines for these articles attempt to address male identity, but often fall into the trap of sounding ironic and sometimes even sarcastic and critical. They all seem to agree to some extent that there is a crisis. But reading these articles one gets the impression that no one really knows how to even start dealing with the problem, let alone what a solution to it might look like.
“One also gets the impression from these articles that we need to keep any genuine sympathy for these ‘poor men’ in check: the patriarchy is still just too dominant to allow ourselves that luxury.”
Thanks for taking the time to comment, Frank. My focus here is on parenting and helping kids navigate life beyond sports, so I’ll keep the conversation centered there.
I have a neice who is totally invollved in running. She is in Highschool and spends hours a day,just like you ssaid, doing nothing except with her team. Hours running and doing whatever made her team ahead. I did not understand what was happening, but heard when she didn'T take the time, to eat a meal. She only ate a mall amount because eating too much would make her too smell. As a 9th grader she weighed 63lbs., her body was shutting down...she ended in a special place because she had to learn to eat again and get her body to learn it's parts again. She had to stop running, but was only able to visit, talk to,spend time with her running team. She now is pushing herself to learn how to smile and talk to the other students. It is very slow, but I had her mother read your Beyond the Ice, so far, and she has a better understanding if how to have helpful conversations with her daughter, who is slowing learning how to enjoy her classmates, and other school kids. She is relaxing with other kids, and people.
Thank you!! I am so happy my sister was able to get the help she needed!
Cynthia C.
What a wonderful help for me to understand what is going on with my daughter, lives a volley ball life!!Love it!
I love hearing this — thank you! Even though my son’s journey is hockey, I know parents in volleyball, soccer, gymnastics, and more are walking through the same transitions. It means a lot to know this helped you see your daughter’s experience in a new way.
Shortly after Donald Trump was sworn-in as president in 2017, a survey of American women conducted not long after his abundant misogyny was exposed to the world revealed that a majority of respondents nonetheless found appealing his alpha-male-like great financial success and confidence. To me, it was revelatory of the often-unfortunate aspects of the human Id, notably that involving sexuality.
Perhaps alpha males' sexual aggression or ‘toxic masculinity’ in general is related to the same constraining societal idealization of the ‘real man’ (albeit perhaps more subtly than in the past): Stiff-upper-lip physically and emotionally strong, financially successful, confidently fights and wins, assertively solves problems, and exemplifies sexual prowess.
Maybe also relevant is the June 24, 2020, Toronto Now article I read headlined “Keep Cats Out of Your Dating Profile, Ridiculous Study Suggests” that was self-explanatorily sub-headlined “Men were deemed less masculine and less attractive when they held up cats in their dating pics, according to researchers”. ... As a cat-fan, it kind'a made me think.
... Meantime, according to psychologist, psychotherapist and author Tom Falkenstein (The Highly Sensitive Man, 2019, Ch.1), “numerous psychological studies over the last forty years tell us that, despite huge social change, the stereotypical image of the ‘strong man’ is still firmly with us at all ages, in all ethnic groups, and among all socio-economic backgrounds. …
“You only have to open a magazine or newspaper, turn on your TV, or open your browser to discover an ever-growing interest in stories about being a father, being a man, or how to balance a career with a family. Many of these articles have started talking about an apparent ‘crisis of masculinity’.
"The headlines for these articles attempt to address male identity, but often fall into the trap of sounding ironic and sometimes even sarcastic and critical. They all seem to agree to some extent that there is a crisis. But reading these articles one gets the impression that no one really knows how to even start dealing with the problem, let alone what a solution to it might look like.
“One also gets the impression from these articles that we need to keep any genuine sympathy for these ‘poor men’ in check: the patriarchy is still just too dominant to allow ourselves that luxury.”
Thanks for taking the time to comment, Frank. My focus here is on parenting and helping kids navigate life beyond sports, so I’ll keep the conversation centered there.