When Trusting Your Gut Costs You Friends
“This post reflects a portion of my family’s personal experience and perspective, shared in the hope that it helps other parents trust their instincts and protect their kids.”
I hadn’t planned to publish this story yet. But with the recent guilty verdict confirming what we feared years ago, I knew it was too important to wait. Parents need to hear this now.
There’s one part of our hockey journey that has stayed with me - not because of wins or losses, but because it showed me how important it is to trust your gut as a parent.
Years ago, we crossed paths with a coach that everyone seemed to love. He was outgoing, fun, full of energy - the kind of person who made kids laugh and made parents feel like their child’s future depended on him. He gave off the impression that if your son wanted to “make it” in hockey, he was the guy to get them there.
The Moment Our Alarm Bells Went Off
I’ll never forget one 3-on-3 tournament when my son was about 7 or 8 years old. This coach pulled him aside, away from the other kids, to talk alone. My husband saw it right away and asked our son afterward what was said.
Our son told us: “He said I was the best skater and player he’s ever seen, and he wanted to coach me.”
At first, that might sound flattering. And yes - we even had our son participate in some of his group on-ice sessions at the time. It felt harmless enough in the beginning. But my husband still knew something wasn’t right.
From then on, the emails started coming constantly. Messages from this coach about training camps, private coaching, and how much he wanted to work with our son. He was always finding ways to talk to him - and to us - about how special he was.
At the time, we didn’t have the language for it - but looking back, I know now that it was grooming.
Speaking Up Came at a Cost
We didn’t trust him. We pulled back. We warned people. And we paid a price for it.
Some parents brushed us off, some thought we were just being jealous, others pulled away, and a few even stopped talking to us altogether.
One of the hardest lessons I’ve learned as a parent is that doing the right thing for your child doesn’t always make you popular.
When the Truth Came Out
Years later, brave young men stepped forward. They told the truth - that this same coach had sexually abused them. Just days ago, he was found guilty on 6 counts of sexual abuse.
Those headlines were heartbreaking to read. My heart aches for the boys who had to endure it, and for the parents who, caught up in the dream of sports, lost sight of what mattered most - their children’s safety.
And it was a painful reminder of how easily predators can hide behind charm, fun, and the promise of a brighter future.
The Hard Truth About Sports Culture
Sometimes, the dream of sports becomes so big that parents lose sight of what truly matters. The hope for scholarships or big opportunities can cloud judgment in ways that, sadly, have lasting consequences.
I’m not saying this to judge - I know how hard this world is, how high the stakes feel. But I am saying this: no sport, no scholarship, no “big break” is worth your child’s safety.
Trust Your Gut
If something feels off, trust yourself. Even if you can’t fully explain it. Even if it makes you unpopular. Even if it costs you friendships.
I’m grateful every day that my husband and I listened to that small voice telling us something wasn’t right. Because as parents, our job isn’t to win popularity contests. Our job is to protect our kids.
Sports are temporary. Their safety and well-being last a lifetime.
**If you ever have concerns about a coach’s behavior or suspect something isn’t right, you don’t have to handle it alone. The U.S. Center for SafeSport provides a confidential place to report misconduct in youth and amateur sports. Protecting children always comes before protecting a program, a reputation, or a dream. For more information or to file a report, visit www.uscenterforsafesport.org/.
****The article of that just came out of this coaches guilty verdict can be found here: Former youth hockey coach found guilty in sexual assault trial.
💬 Parents, I’d love to know - have you ever had to trust your gut about your child, even when others didn’t believe you?
— Alison
Disclaimer: This post reflects a portion of my family’s personal experience and perspective, shared in the hope that it helps other parents trust their instincts and protect their kids.
I’m so proud of you for having published what most parents biggest fear is - betrayal from someone you trust. Your post resonates with me and with so many others. Trusting your gut and following through with it is the most important compass for a parent.
I’m so proud of you for having published what most parents biggest fear is - betrayal from someone you trust. Your post resonates with me and with so many others. Trusting your gut and following through with it is the most important compass for a parent.