What I Wish I’d Known Before Billeting Began
A mom’s perspective on trust, distance, and the quiet lessons of letting go.
What I Wish I’d Known Before Billeting Began
When my kids were little, we used to billet hockey players. It was always a good experience, the boys were polite, grateful, and easy to have around. I never really thought much about what it meant for the parents on the other end.
Years later, it came full circle. My own son was the one packing his bags to go live with another family. And suddenly, I understood.
I worried about everything. Would they include him in their family? Would they treat him well? Feed him? Notice if he was tired or homesick? My son was still in school, just a kid, while most of the guys on his team were 19, 20, 21, already finished with school and living on their own. I knew he could handle himself on the ice, but off the ice….. that was different.
That’s when it really hit me, how hard it is to hand your child over to strangers and just hope it all works out. Looking back now, there are things I wish I’d known before billeting began.
The Practical Side
Ask questions — and not just about hockey.
I used to think as long as the billet family had good references and a clean house, we were all set. But it’s okay to ask the little things like who makes dinner, what curfew looks like, and how they handle homework or school absences. Those details matter more than you think.
Pack a few pieces of home.
It’s amazing what a photo, a favorite blanket, or a familiar snack can do. When everything else feels new and uncertain, those small things become anchors.
Stay connected, but don’t hover.
You’ll want to check in every day, we did with our son. But part of the growth happens when they figure things out without you. I learned to text less and listen more. When he wanted to talk, we listened, even if it was just about the team bus breaking down or what his billet mom made for dinner.
Trust takes time.
Even if everything looks great on paper, it takes time for everyone to settle in for your child, and for the billet family too. There were nights I cried after hanging up the phone, wondering if he was okay. Most of the time, he was. It just takes a while for a new house to start feeling like home.
And the truth is, not every situation is ideal. In some places, it’s hard to find enough billet families, so players end up sharing rooms, sleeping on couches, or staying in setups that feel more temporary than home.
I’ve also had players tell me stories of their billet families not even let them eat meals with them or be part of the household at all — just a room to stay in and food left out. Some families do it mostly for the small stipend or the free hockey tickets. It’s sad, but it’s another reality of this life. These kids are young, far from home, and trying to chase their dream while figuring out where they belong. It makes you realize how important the right family can be- the kind that welcomes them in, not just takes them in.
And billet families also need to be there in the hard moments -when players get hurt, sick, or just need someone to step in like a parent would. We were there for all of our boys when they got injured, and I’ll always be grateful that my son’s billet families were there for him, too, especially when it was serious.
It happened more than once. Those late-night phone calls or messages that start with “He’s hurt” , your heart just stops. The hardest part is knowing he’s in the ER and you can’t be there. You can’t sit by his bed, talk to the doctors, or make sure he’s okay with your own eyes. You just have to trust that someone else is showing up for him the way you would.
That’s when you realize how much these billet families really matter. When they care for your child in those moments - not because they have to, but because they want to and that’s everything.
The Emotional Side No One Really Prepares You For
Luckily, his first billet family was amazing. They were kind, caring, and treated him like one of their own. I couldn’t have asked for better people to take him in.
Still, it never got easier to say goodbye.
I remember the drives to the different states, different cities- him behind the wheel now, still so young. Fifteen, maybe sixteen. Sometimes younger. We’d load up the car with his gear, snacks, and everything he needed for the season.
One time, after getting him settled, he drove me to the airport so I could fly home. He hugged me, said, “I’ll be alright, Mom,” like he always did, then got back in the car to head to his new home. I smiled and waved until he was out of sight. Then I walked into the airport bathroom and just cried and cried.
It’s the kind of ache only a parent understands, proud and heartbroken at the same time. You tell yourself this is what you’ve been preparing him for. You remind yourself he’s chasing his dream. But there’s still that little part of you that wants to turn around and bring him home.
What I Know Now
Looking back, I realize those moments — the long drives, the teary airport goodbyes, the quiet rides home alone — were all part of letting him grow up. I used to think my job was to protect him, to keep everything steady and familiar. But really, my job was to give him the confidence to walk into a new home, meet new people, and know he’d be okay.
I see now that billeting isn’t just about finding a place for them to live - it’s about learning how to let go with grace. It’s about trusting that all the love, lessons, and values you poured into them will carry them when you’re not there.
It’s funny how life circles back. Years ago, we were the billet family opening our home to someone else’s child. We made dinners, cheered from the stands, and hoped their parents knew their son was safe and loved. And then one day, it was our son walking through someone else’s front door.
I used to think the hardest part was the distance. Now I know it was learning to let him go and trust that he’d be okay - and that I would too.
—Alison
LOVE THIS. Learning SO MUCH and shocked by the darker reality too. You have a wealth of experience to share, A💛