Beyond the Ice: When Staying Quiet Is the Hardest Part of Loving Your Kid
What elite hockey teaches parents the hard way
The Rule No One Wants to Hear
There’s an unspoken rule in elite hockey that no parent wants to accept:
Getting involved is a big NO.
That’s hard-because our instinct as parents is to protect, to fix, to speak up when something feels wrong. Staying quiet can feel like betrayal, even when it’s not.
When a Coach Crosses the Line
My son had a coach who was awful to him.
He singled him out.
Talked down to him.
Treated him in ways that slowly crushed his confidence.
Other players noticed it too. They’d say they didn’t understand why the coach seemed to dislike him so much.
That coach took the love of hockey away from my son.
And that made me furious.
Watching the Love Disappear
This was a kid who had been recognized as one of the best players in the country for his age group. Hockey wasn’t just something he did-it was who he was.
And yet, because of one coach, he reached a point where he didn’t even want to play anymore.
As a mom, watching that happen was devastating.
The Moment I Had to Stay Quiet
Every part of me wanted to say something.
To defend him.
To call it out.
But my son begged me not to.
Even at 14 or 15, he understood something many parents don’t:
If I got involved, it would only make things worse.
So I stayed quiet.
Not because it was easy-
but because it was necessary.
Why Getting Involved Can Make It Worse
What many parents don’t realize is that stepping in often does more harm than good.
It puts a bigger spotlight on the player.
It changes how coaches view them.
And it can quietly make an already bad situation worse.
The Truth About Parent Reputations
I know teams that won’t take a player-no matter how talented-because they don’t want to deal with the parents.
At this level, coaches don’t just evaluate the kid.
They evaluate the family that comes with them.
And once that reputation sticks, doors don’t slam shut.
They just quietly stop opening.
What Staying Quiet Really Means
Staying quiet doesn’t mean you don’t care.
It doesn’t mean you agree.
And it doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt.
Sometimes it means you’re protecting your child in the only way you can.
Looking Back
My son survived that season.
He found his way back to the game.
And today, he’s stronger for it-not just as a hockey player, but as a young man.
That season taught me something I’ll never forget:
Sometimes the hardest thing a parent can do is stay silent.