Beyond the Ice: What My Son Learned When I Didn’t Say Anything
The other side of staying quiet
People assume kids don’t notice when their parents stay quiet.
Trust me, they notice.
They notice every practice.
Every tone change.
Every moment something feels off.
When my son was going through the hardest season of his hockey life, every instinct in me wanted to step in. To protect him. To say something to that awful coach. To make it stop.
But he begged me not to say anything.
That’s the part people don’t always understand.
He wasn’t confused.
He wasn’t naïve.
And he wasn’t too young to know what was happening.
Even at 14 or 15, he understood that if I got involved, it would only make things worse.
He knew the spotlight on him would get brighter.
He knew ice time could disappear quietly.
He knew the situation could turn from bad to unbearable.
So he begged me to stay out of it.
There were parts of me arguing with myself the entire time.
Should I go to the coach and say something?
Am I failing my child by not stepping in?
Is he too young to be making a decision like this on his own?
Those questions followed me everywhere- to the rink, to the car ride home, late at night when I couldn’t sleep (and believe me there were lots of sleepless nights).
Staying quiet didn’t come from confidence.
It came from constant doubt.
But through all of that, one thing stayed clear.
This wasn’t my battle to fight.
He asked me not to say anything.
He asked me to trust him.
So I did.
And I’m actually proud of myself that I did. I don’t know about you, but I have a very hard time keeping quiet. It’s a hard lesson to learn, but a powerful one.
Thank you for this. That part hit me too, honestly. I don’t think most adults realize how much kids see and understand about the situation they’re in. Stepping back was one of the hardest things I’ve had to do as a parent, and it still doesn’t always feel right. But sometimes it really isn’t our battle to fight. I appreciate you sharing that about your nephew. Thank you again, it helps to know others have felt that same tension.